you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Damn victory sex feels great
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
