i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
