Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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