He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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