My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
