My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize