hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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