You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
