my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I touched a dick in church today
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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