At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
