Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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