I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
