I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
