if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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