JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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