just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
