i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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