let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
