Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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