Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
