based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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