Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
