I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
