I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
