4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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