Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
