so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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