I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
