is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i drank out of a bidet.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
