2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
