I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
