I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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