She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
