Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
