So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
