Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
