Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
