i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
