she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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