her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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