VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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