she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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