My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
