ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
