im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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