Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
not ubering you a puppy
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
