The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
