I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
