sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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