i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
