at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Randomize
