It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
