dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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