Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Houston, we have a squirter
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
