Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
