My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
